We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Terrible idea I love it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
