absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
