I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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