Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
