Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
