Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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