This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
