Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
