All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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