week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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