Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
handjob tips. give me some.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
