I hate your face
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
