maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
