i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
