I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
