Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
