My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
