so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
