I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
