just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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