This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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