I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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