I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
