I'm going to jail i love you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
