for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
