how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
