Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my being single is dangerous.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
