God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
