$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
