Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
