Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
