He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
