I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
