dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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