he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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