Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
