the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
