He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
