first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
