i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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