dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
