Acid is not a monday night drug
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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