This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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