I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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