I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
