Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
