My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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