woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
