Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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