Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You need Xanax blowdarts
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
