Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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