worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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