Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
