I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just found a bag of teeth...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
